Joy and Sorrow Kissing

I'm not a writer. I hate to write. But for some reason it's sounds therapeutic right now. I just got done with a good cry. My tears are ones of deep sorrow as well as deep joy. I think they were instigated by gratefulness but quickly got mixed up with pain. It seems that the deepest of pain is often accompanied by times of joy, and vice versa. I seem to be well acquainted with this dichotomy. A week after returning from my honeymoon, a time of perhaps the purest joy I've known, my friend Eric died of a brain tumor. That first year of marriage was a year of walking down a difficult road with my friend, Sacha and her kids. Joy and sorrow kissing. Tragedy hit again this year when my friend Midi and one of her sons were killed in a car accident. A few months later Andre's cousin died of cancer. Soon after, we welcomed our beautiful daughter, Chloe into the world. Joy and sorrow kissing again. In July, my best friend, Andrea, and her family moved to Atlanta. I really miss her. And then, this last Saturday, I found out that the counselor I worked with for 12 years at Roosevelt died in the Metrolink crash. But this Saturday my brother is marrying a simply delightful woman, and I get to see my sister. Joy and sorrow kissing again...



I often wonder what effect joy and sorrow have on one another. Does sorrow diminish our joy? Does joy numb the pain? I don't think so. And yet they don't ignore one another. Somehow they can both thrive. I'm sure they interact somehow. Do they enhance one another? I know that sorrow at times makes me more grateful. Today I enjoyed an "energetic" playdate, birthday lunch at my friend Becky's. I'm so glad for the friends God has surrounded me with. They are fun to be with, kind, wise, and generous. And yet, I can't help but think of last year's birthday when Midi and Andrea were also there. I guess my joy just feels a bit raw, if that makes any sense. But, not having Midi or Andrea here, makes me even more grateful for my other friends. I was loved well today!



Today I'm praying that God will help me to take in all that is before me. To not run from the pain but to also be able to deeply rejoice in the good things. I want to deeply rejoice at my brother's wedding on Saturday and I want to deeply mourn at Ron's funeral the following. I want to jump up and down with joy when I get off the plane and see Andrea. I want to give my sister a HUGE hug when I see her on Friday. I weep when I see pictures of Midi or Eric. Somehow that seems right. That's living. So God, help me to really live. Help me to love my husband and kids with all of who I am. Help me to worship you with all of who I am. Help me to love others with all of myself. Help me to fully experience both joy and sorrow. Be with me in it all.