Where are you going Isaac??

Joy and Sorrow Kissing

I'm not a writer. I hate to write. But for some reason it's sounds therapeutic right now. I just got done with a good cry. My tears are ones of deep sorrow as well as deep joy. I think they were instigated by gratefulness but quickly got mixed up with pain. It seems that the deepest of pain is often accompanied by times of joy, and vice versa. I seem to be well acquainted with this dichotomy. A week after returning from my honeymoon, a time of perhaps the purest joy I've known, my friend Eric died of a brain tumor. That first year of marriage was a year of walking down a difficult road with my friend, Sacha and her kids. Joy and sorrow kissing. Tragedy hit again this year when my friend Midi and one of her sons were killed in a car accident. A few months later Andre's cousin died of cancer. Soon after, we welcomed our beautiful daughter, Chloe into the world. Joy and sorrow kissing again. In July, my best friend, Andrea, and her family moved to Atlanta. I really miss her. And then, this last Saturday, I found out that the counselor I worked with for 12 years at Roosevelt died in the Metrolink crash. But this Saturday my brother is marrying a simply delightful woman, and I get to see my sister. Joy and sorrow kissing again...



I often wonder what effect joy and sorrow have on one another. Does sorrow diminish our joy? Does joy numb the pain? I don't think so. And yet they don't ignore one another. Somehow they can both thrive. I'm sure they interact somehow. Do they enhance one another? I know that sorrow at times makes me more grateful. Today I enjoyed an "energetic" playdate, birthday lunch at my friend Becky's. I'm so glad for the friends God has surrounded me with. They are fun to be with, kind, wise, and generous. And yet, I can't help but think of last year's birthday when Midi and Andrea were also there. I guess my joy just feels a bit raw, if that makes any sense. But, not having Midi or Andrea here, makes me even more grateful for my other friends. I was loved well today!



Today I'm praying that God will help me to take in all that is before me. To not run from the pain but to also be able to deeply rejoice in the good things. I want to deeply rejoice at my brother's wedding on Saturday and I want to deeply mourn at Ron's funeral the following. I want to jump up and down with joy when I get off the plane and see Andrea. I want to give my sister a HUGE hug when I see her on Friday. I weep when I see pictures of Midi or Eric. Somehow that seems right. That's living. So God, help me to really live. Help me to love my husband and kids with all of who I am. Help me to worship you with all of who I am. Help me to love others with all of myself. Help me to fully experience both joy and sorrow. Be with me in it all.

First Day of Tot Lot

Today was Isaac's first day at Tot Lot. Turns out I ended up being "one of those parents". I didn't want to leave him there all alone, not knowing anyone... What if he falls down? What if he wants me? What if he pushes someone? and on and on... I lingered a while but finally did say good-bye. Well, turns out HE was fine. It was just me, missing him each minute I was away and wondering what he was doing. When we (my mom, Chloe and I) came back to get him, he was happily playing with playdough with the other kids.
Isaac, right in the middle of things...
Isaac's first "craft".

I think I'll be able to get used to this pretty fast... hanging out with Chloe, drinking coffee, browsing in Target...

Summer Fun

Yeah for water!! I don't remember parks like this being around when I was a kid. Then again, I can't complain since we had a great pool with the bounciest diving board ever right in our backyard!!

In case you live in the area, this is at Mayfair Park, in Lakewood. I highly recommend it. Isaac and company had a blast. It's open 11-4 all summer and it's free!

Isn't She Cute???

Chloe is starting to smile and chat with us. She's getting to be so much fun!! Here a few cute pictures of a fashion show I subjected her to one morning when Isaac was staying at Omi's house. It really is harder to take pictures of the second one!

New Found Joys

Chloe's newest joy is sucking her two middle fingers. Makes us very happy too because now she can fall asleep all by herself!! No more standing over her bassinet to hold in a pacifier.


This summer Isaac has been enjoying harvesting vegetables from our backyard (and Omi's). He loves picking "komatoes" (tomatoes), was fascinated to find this carrot under the ground, and is just itching to pick the watermelon that he's watching grow bigger and bigger by the day.
Isaac also loves playing baseball, particulary in his uniform of choice: rainboots and a diaper!!

Grandparents

There are many things I am grateful for. One of the blessings at the top of my list has to be the fact that Isaac and Chloe have four amazing grandparents. Each unique, offering our kids different gifts, but equally loving and important. We are so grateful that they all live within driving distance so they can be enjoyed frequently by us all!!

Chloe with Grandma on the beach

Rockin out with Grandpa

Swinging with Omi and Opa in their backyard

Story time with Opa

Fun in the fountain with Omi at Chapman University

Happy Birthday Susie!!

It's a Girl!!!

We are thrilled to announce the birth of our baby girl, Chloe Grace Schmidt. She entered the world on May 21, 2008 at 4:47 PM. She weighed in at 8 pounds 2 ounces and was 20 inches long. She is a miracle and we are falling in love with her more and more each day. Even Isaac loves to give her hugs and kisses. He has been a great big brother so far and we are very proud of him. Here are a couple of pictures. If you want to see LOTS, you can check out the "Chloe's Arrival" album at our shutterfly collection.

Missing Midi and Nathan

I miss my friend Midi and her sweet son Nathan on such a deep level that at times, I can't even get to that place. Even 3 months later, it still feels so unreal. I've been to weddings, showers, Bible studies, Sunday Church services, gatherings of friends where Midi should have been. And instead her absence. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it. I really miss my friend and still cry often.

I marvel at her husband Mark, and even more at God who sustains him. Mark is hurting so deeply and yet he is comforted and knowing God in deeper ways than he ever has before. Now I know that God can actually be very real in times of great suffering. I highly recommend reading his blog. He is insightful, self aware, and vulnerable. Be prepared. Have time. I always have myself a good cry after I read it. Midi's best friend, Anne, also has started a blog to help her process her loss. I find it helpful to read how those closest to the situation are doing. And they motivate me to not run from the pian but to face it, reflect on it, be met by God in it.

Midi and Nathan Update

In case you are looking for information regarding services for Midi and Nathan, a web site has been set up for them at www.folcov.org/mikasas/

Our Church is deeply grieving the loss of our dear friends. Midi and Nathan were key members of our new, young Church. Our service on Sunday was dedicated to their honor and to understanding God's presence in all of this. I was asked to give a short tribute to Midi. Here is more or less what I shared:

"Good Morning. Thank you for the opportunity to share a few thoughts about my friend Midi. I’m honored to do this yet at the same time I’m overwhelmed and intimidated, knowing that there is no way I can do justice to all I feel, appreciate, love, remember and respect about my dear sweet friend. I loved Midi deeply and I miss her terribly already.

As I thought about what to say this morning I kept thinking of a quote I once heard that says, “the worth and excellence of a soul is to be measured by the object of it’s affection.” I want to declare today that Midi was truly an excellent human being because the objects of her love were people and God.

I feel so privileged to have been an object of Midi’s love and affection for the past 15 years. We met while we were students at UCLA and traveled through many stages of life together. We went on a summer mission together as students and that is where we really first bonded. Midi, Andrea, Fina and I shared a tiny room. I have no idea what color the carpet was because we could not see one square inch of it between our sleeping bags, pillows, and stuff. We slept in that little room for six weeks and the four of us became VERY close!! I have so many cherished memories of that summer. Since then, we navigated the transition from college to the working world, singleness, dating, we were bridesmaids in each others weddings, we began raising our kids together and finally this last year- our families came Church together. Partnering with the Mikasas here at Fountain of Life was a big draw for Andre and I when we decided to pack up and move here to Long Beach from Pasadena. Through all of these stages of life, Midi loved me with a genuine, deep, freeing type of love. She drew me out. If I was ever struggling at all, if I saw Midi and she even just asked how I was I would start to cry and pour my heart out to her. She was the type of friend you could do that with. So very deeply caring. I particularly remember a stage in my life when I was still single and I very much wanted to get married. It seemed all of my close friends were dating or married and I was in a lonely place. When I would talk to Midi about it I always felt so deeply understood, comforted, and loved. Even though she was married at the time, she had room in her heart to welcome me in deeply and empathize with me. I’ve always thought of Midi’s friendship like cozying up with a warm blanket. She made me feel safe, known, and loved. Midi’s love for everyone she knew was so evident. I can just picture her now talking with someone after Church, genuinely engaged in getting to know someone new. Even if you only ever had one conversation with Midi, you know that she had a unique gift to make people feel cared for and loved immediately. Midi’s love for her family was also evident and clear to each of us. She loved being a mother of boys who adored her as a princess and a wife to an amazing man whose devoted love first swept her off her feet 8 years ago. She had the utmost respect and love for her dear and devoted parents and was a strong, stable presence in both the Kim and Mikasa families.

But the greatest object of Midi’s affection, and the one that truly made her great was God himself. I’ve always had a deep respect for Midi’s intimate love for God. While in college I watched Midi struggle to shake off some of her past to really fall in love with and trust God with her whole life. Midi’s heart for God was big and she always wanted to know him more deeply. Even with two small boys and a very full life, Midi was always wanting to be closer to God. I remember her recently sharing with me her frustrations at not being able to find the time to be in prayer more but she was so grateful for the fundamental hope and peace she experienced in God whether or not she had had time that day to sit down and pray. She wanted that for her friends and coworkers who did not know God. Her relationship with God is what made her who she is. Her compassion for people is God’s compassion. These last few months my husband, Andre, our son, Isaac and I have had the privilege of joining the Mikasas’ life group. It was like a dream come true for me to get to be in a small group Bible Study with Midi again all these years later. What I did not expect was how much I would be impressed with Midi’s leadership all over again. Midi and Mark welcomed us into their home so hospitably each week. I was also so impressed with how Midi led the Bible studies. She had such a deep understanding and true appreciation for the word that was evident in how she gently led us. Her awe and wonder of God’s character influenced me greatly. And when I prayed with Midi, her heart was always so tender and genuine towards God. You really sensed her love for God and her desire for His involvement in her life.

When asked what the greatest of the commands were, Jesus answered, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: love your neighbor as yourself.” Midi fulfilled these commands. She showed us how to live and I know that she is welcomed into the kingdom of God. Jesus has said to her, “well done good and faithful servant.” I truly believe that she and Nathan are experiencing an amazing peace and a joy that we have only ever tasted. We will miss Midi and Nathan deeply and we have a tough road ahead as we struggle through our questions and grief and adjust to life without them. We grieve with Mark and Lucas and their families. To Mark and Lucas and to the Kim and Mikasa families, I just want to say on behalf of Fountain of Life that we really deeply love you and that we are in this with you. We are committed to you not just for these next few weeks and months of shock, details, and mourning, but we are committed to loving you for your lifetimes- to your struggles with God, your adjusting to life without Midi and Nathan, to raising Lucas. Please know that our hearts ache with and for you and we are not going anywhere. We love you and are crying out to God without ceasing on your behalf."

Grieving

I just wanted to let you know I probably won't be posting many Isaac pictures or anecdotes for a little while. It just doesn't seem appropriate right now. We are grieving the loss of my dear friend Midi Mikasa and one of her twin boys. Midi was with her husband, Mark, and their twins, Nathan and Lucas, when they were broadsided by a pick up truck on their way home from a family gathering on New Year's Day. Midi died instantly and Nathan died at the hospital a few hours later. Mark and Lucas are a bit banged up but physically they will be fine. If you live in the LA area you most likely have heard about this in the news as it was a hit and run. They are still looking for the driver of the pick up truck.

I've known Midi since college (over 15 years) and she was one of my dearest friends. She was a bridesmaid in our wedding and I've always described her friendship like snuggling up with a warm blanket. She was one of the most compassionate people I've ever known and even if you only knew her for a short while you felt very loved and listened to by her. She was the type of friend you could really pour your heart out to. We can't imagine what Mark is going through and what lies ahead, having lost both his wife and a son in one day. Nathan and Lucas, who just turned four, were inseperable and we can't imagine one without the other. Mark and Lucas have a difficult road ahead, to say the least. We, along with our whole Church and many family and friends, are praying constantly for God to somehow bring his comforting presence into this situation. We are all confused and have many questions about why things like this happen to such good people. Although I'm sure we'll never fully understand on this side of eternity, we trust that God, in his sovereignty and goodness will eventually bring healing and hope to this situation. Please join us in praying for Mark, Lucas, and the rest of their families.